Revived in a Storm

It is so easy to over complicate suffering by forcing our human emotions into the equation. My suffering cannot detract from His goodness - plain and simple.

Sometimes we dismiss how common it is for our human minds to get in the way of trusting and resting in our Father's goodness and sovereignty; preoccupying ourselves with questions and burdening ourselves with doubt. But, He is way bigger than our humanness, greater than our good days, stronger than our bad days, and EVER faithful in our suffering. We serve a faithful King and no trial, burden, hurt, or diagnosis can rid Him of that title.

Jesus can shine in our frailty and be seen so beautifully in our pain. Our suffering is more about Him - than us. It's such a subtle temptation to turn inward when we hurt, forgetting that even suffering can be ministry. Those around us aren't just meant to see Him in us on days when a smile comes easily. But, on days when perhaps those around us can't even see the smile, simply because it resonates so deeply in us - responding to the love the Holy Spirit is breathing into us.

It would be a shame for me to walk away from these past few months thinking that I received such love from family, friends (and even people I have never met in person) because I am just "somethin' special". It would be a crime to think I walked away from my trial with such comfort and peace because I am simply "entitled". He is Who makes me special. He is the Giver of the joy that thrives in me. We are not entitled to any of the goodness we receive on any day. He's just a loving and generous God. We have to look beyond ourselves sometimes, to see just how lovely and faithful He is.

"Oh, how He suffered..." - that thought alone puts everything in perspective, doesn't it?

Flowers Don't Fight The Dirt

Never underestimate the power of what our Creator is doing, deep under the ground, while the bright green stem is still pushing through the dirt. Be patient, the vibrant colored petals will soon blossom and reveal all that they received while they were still nestled in a bud, deep inside the dark soil.

Have hope.

Just as the soil can enrich the strength of a flower's stem - so our hard times can strengthen the deepest parts of us. There is hope to be had on those dark days; there is purpose, our darkest days can add the most vibrancy to our being.

Find rest.

Flowers don't fight against the soil. They just rest and let the sun draw them out. Tonight, I have found rest in this dark hour - knowing, trusting, that the Son will lift me up.

(I wrote this a couple of months ago on my Facebook account while I was going through a difficult season, I just wanted to share it on here in hopes that it might encourage someone. If you have a prayer request feel free to email me! flynigh@gmail.com)

A Willing Heart Doesn't Come From Bribery

Sometimes it doesn't feel so good to have to take one of Evod's beloved trucks away because he's not being obedient or kind or whatever the case may be. Oh, he seems so heartbroken at the departure of his toys as they go where all the toys go when their little master has lost the privilege of playing with them - on top of the dryer.

Well, you know, I am just not the kind of parent that thinks I am depriving my child of anything if I take his/her toys away or because I don't buy them treats every time we go to the store (buy my kids treats just so that he will behave --- no way!). They need to behave because that's what right not because he/she will get a treat out of it. Some would argue saying, "They are babies/toddlers they don't know how to 'behave'" or "They don't know what's right or how to be patient." Sure, I've considered those things. But, my response is : It's my responsibility to train them, guide them, and teach them such things. I can't just bribe them because I underestimate their ability to learn. (I do, however, like to spontaneously buy them treats because I simply want to bless them - but, bribe them? Not so much.)

Oh no, I refuse to underestimate how brilliant the minds of our little ones are and how capable they are of learning amazing and powerful things even early on in their lives. Perhaps we may not see the fruit of such things for days/months/years --- but I trust in their God given ability to learn. Sure, sometimes my efforts to communicate with a 3 (almost 4) and a 2 1/2 year old seem so repetitive, tiring, and well - fruitless. The truth is, though, is that seeds are being sown and I just have to be just as patient as I ask my kids to be sometimes.

As a mama, I grow weary and sometimes feel so incapable. Every night, I rejoice and thank the Lord for teaching and preparing my kids for great things in spite of me. I also celebrate in knowing He is not going to leave me high and dry. Just like our kids seem so incapable of learning sometimes, we may feel just as inept, but our Father doesn't view us that way. As His children, He knows what we are capable of and will continue to speak to us and purpose to teach us despite how repetitious it may be. Today, I pray that I am patient as I pour into my children just as my Father is patient as He pours into me.

Well, once Evod's trucks go into the dungeon called the "the dryer" do they stay they forever, never to see the light of day in my chipper little boy's room? No, no I allow Evod the opportunity to 'earn' his truck(s) back. A few minutes ago, he earned his trucks back. I just loved the look on his face as he smiled and said, "I earned it back, Mama?! I did!? I was patient and kind,  I was!?" Ahh.... sweet fruit. :)

"Merry ______mas" (What a pity)

Just a few years ago saying "Merry Christmas" was normal and an accepted thing. Those days are gone. As I go shopping all I hear is "Happy Holidays!" As I go driving, I mostly see signs for "Holiday Trees" or for "Winter Celebrations." Our world is changing - there is no doubt about it. 


I understand that "Christ" is in Christmas. As a Christian, I love it, embrace it, celebrate it. To non-believers it can be nothing short of offensive. I can understand that because if the title was something like "Buddha-mas" --- I would not want to say "Merry Buddha-mas" ever! I am not a buddhist why would I celebrate the birth of a "god" I don't believe in as my lord? But, then again, celebrating a holiday that is meaningless to me is pointless. But, apparently non believers don't view Christmas that way. People would rather try to strip Christmas down so that it can have a meaning that resonates with them. 


Personally, I wouldn't want to share in some random holiday just so that I could have an excuse to stuff stockings, have parties, and give & receive gifts. If people of a different religion wanted to celebrate such a holiday - fine by me. I just simply wouldn't partake in the festivities. There are holidays in America that I choose to not engage in and celebrate - I don't ask for their names to be changed just so that they can conform to the kind of holidays I want them to be. What's the point in attempting to rip the roots from something and be left with an empty ol' holiday? Has "meaning" lost its meaning to people? 


But, people (of all religions) love the holiday Christmas or rather "_______mas", and we are soon to reach a point where it is going to be the nameless holiday - all for political correctness sake. Are we just going to watch it dwindle down from its roots just so that we can make everyone, but Christ and Christians, happy? Songs, titles, and traditions are on their way out. I can hear it now, "Oh, Holiday tree. Oh, Holiday tree."  (Not that Jesus needs Christmas songs and trees, of course)


I know this is a free country - and I embrace that. I try to not impose my Christian beliefs on other people. But, as of late, the anti-Christian movement is imposing its beliefs on me. Christmas is a Christian holiday --- I hate to sound exclusive but there just isn't a way around the facts here. Tolerance is all the rage right now - our schools, our churches, our country are all supposed to be tolerant. Well, can you please tolerate the fact that I am going to continue to celebrate Christmas, have a Christmas tree,  and have a manger with Jesus Christ?


I have to point out though - that regardless of what kind of limitations this country tries to impose on me when it comes to how I wish to celebrate Christmas (even if they put tape over my mouth for the entire Christmas season), Christmas doesn't dwell in a title, a song, or traditions. The hope of the birth of Jesus dwells in my being. I can sing melodies to Him all year round - my celebration of Him never ends. 


(My kids will just be raised that "Happy Holidays" are 'code words' for "Merry CHRISTmas!!!" haha.)

...a storm in the desert

My pain, it flickers, like a candle deep inside of a luminara on the verge of being blown out by the Albuquerque winds

Tonight, though, it feels as though the flame is so close to engulfing its paper surroundings. 

He whispers ever so gently. 

But my guilt attempts to engulf my mind like the May rain flooding the arroyos on the west side. 

I feel so weak when I'm suddenly surrounded by rushing thoughts like the murky water raging through the canals. 

He opens His hands. 

But my heart drops as pieces of my painful past come flashing into my mind - reminiscent of lightening striking in the sky above the mesa. The thunder rolls - so deep and loud - I can feel it vibrate in my chest. 

The echo causes me to jolt and my eyelids lift...

All of a sudden like a rainbow embellishing a gray smeared stormy sky - I feel His love grip my heart and cause my eyes to shift from my wounds and onto His truths.

How did my wounds became my focus - Why did my throbbing brokenness move me more than knowing that He has moved mountains for me.

My King knows my pain and He catches my tears. He knows the thoughts that attempt to taunt me -and knows of the chill that comes when the sun sets in this desert of mine. I am not alone in this sandy land.

Tonight, I am not engulfed by lies racing through my mind. 

No, tonight, I am revived by the Son who has risen in the middle of my desert storm. 

New Mexican luminarias

Lightening striking on the west mesa

A flooded arroyo

This blog comes from a real place inside of me. I know I often share of the Lord's joy being full in my life, and I am so sincere when I speak of such things. Truly, His joy is somehow nestled beside such deep wounds that still reside in me. I wanted to share of how deep my hurt goes and how sometimes I allow that hurt to drown out His loving attempts to comfort me. I know that there are people who can relate to moments like these and I would love for my hurt to somehow make you feel less isolated in those seasons where your heart feels so heavy and your mind feels smoggy. I can't say that I struggle with depression right now, but I know what that struggle feels like. If anyone needs prayer for just having the blues or for full on depression please feel free to email me for prayer at flynigh@gmail.com. 

You are not alone in those moments where it might feel like your heart could cave in and your thoughts won't stop racing. Your Maker is extending His hope to you - He loves you and He has not abandoned you. His love is brighter than your darkest hour - His strength is stronger than any burden that is weighing you down. Lift up your eyes. Your wounds may be deep, but try to set your gaze on the wounds He endured simply because He loves you. 

note: I was inspired to use descriptions native to New Mexico - I posted the pictures (that I did not take) to help people envision what I wrote.

I Might Be Rejected By Some, but Still I Am Accepted by the One

It's been longer than I anticipated it would be since the last time I wrote in here. I suppose that it's a good thing - I don't just want to become a robotic writer too anxious to be heard. Rather, I want to write from the deepest parts of me - the parts that my Maker tugs on and sharpens as my fingers run across the keyboard. 


Since my last blog, it seems the Lord has clarified my perspective on some things. I was humbled and shocked at how skewed my perception was when He caused me to glance back to a broken season in my past. Unfortunately, I do not have the liberties to share with you what those matters are (*yet). But, I can at least share with you what I am learning so far.


We live in a world where human acceptance is rated so high in most people's minds and sometimes that frame of mind is what leads our lives. Rejection is one of the hardest things to deal with and it can cause us to lose ourselves in our attempts to please those around us. More importantly, those vein attempts can cause us to begin to lose sight of who we are in Him. 


The line must be drawn. The idea of  simply "going with the flow" because one might lack the boldness/ the confidence/ the will to speak what's truly on their heart is so sad. I will not willingly go mute simply because I know that I will have to stare opposition right in the face. The longing to be accepted, wanted, and approved of cannot be given the freedom to distort who my Creator created me to be or what He wants me to do with this life.


So, that's where I am at. I have a task before me that I know people, close people, in my life will not agree with. Hurt will be stirred and anger will likely be pointed in my direction. The ties of a friendship that I hold dear might be torn. I have to confront a part of my past that I'd rather just let sit and continue to collect dust. But, I cannot allow myself to focus on who might not approve when the only approval I need is from the One who is leading me. As much as my heart is already anticipating the possibility losing the acceptance of someone I love - I have to stay committed to the One who accepted me first. His love for me is unwavering. 


There will be - WILL BE - moments in our lives where we are called to do things beyond the limits of the approval of some of the humans among us. That's okay. Its okay if not everyone around us understands what it is the Lord has called us to do. We have to be willing to know what it feels like to be rejected  by man; to have our ideas and pursuits scorned. 


I am here to please Him even if that means that I am misunderstood or even rejected by some. Standing confident in the middle of a scary and uncertain season is possible when we are able to rest and trust in Him as our Navigator. I won't allow what the Lord has made black and white to me turn to gray. It is clear to me what He wants me to do and it would be a shame for me to reject that simply to gain anything that this world offers me. 


If anyone needs prayer feel free to email me : flynigh@gmail.com

If Given a Chance Petals Will Come

We went to the local nursery to buy the seeds this year. Once we got home, the thought of seeing those bright vibrant sunflowers made it impossible to wait another second to open the organic soil and start planting! We chose one of our favorite pots to plant the seeds in. After pouring the soil we dug a nice deep hole - making sure to give the seeds plenty of room to take root.

We opened the package carrying the seeds, gently placed them in the hole, and covered them with the dark soil. Now, we just had to wait and water. Water and wait. Even though we didn't see any sign of life, we knew deep within that rich soil the seeds were cracking and roots were growing, stretching, reaching into the soil for nourishment.

It wasn't too long, though,  before we saw tiny green specks against the nearly black soil. Oh, the excitement of seeing those almost microscopic green sprouts! I got my watering tin, with even more spunk in my step that morning, looking forward to showering the cluster of tiny greenness. Even though they were so itty-bitty, I could see them perk up when the water and sun reached them. 

Soon, the specks of green grew into tall sturdy stems. By now, though I still couldn't see them, the roots must be woven within the soil almost becoming one inside the deepness of the pot. The little buds finally arrived. Now when I look closely, I could see the petals all curled up and nestled snugly inside the buds - waiting to stretch out their petals. I could hardly wait,  but I had to be patient. So, once again I almost danced to my watering tin and showered my precious little sunflower garden growing in my favorite pot. 

It was about two days later when I caught a glimpse of them - the petals that pushed their way out of the buds and stretched out towards the warm sunlight. Some of the petals where simply perfect and they practically shimmered in the sunlight while some lacked in "perfection" and their petals were nearly brown and broken. But though they lacked in radiance they enjoyed the sunlight and the cool water no less. 

Every morning those rusty orange, vibrant yellow, and even the brown broken petals attached to what used to be a bud, that was attached to strong thick stem, that used to be a tiny green speck would turn to face the direction of the sun rays each morning and perk up when showered by the water from my little watering tin. 

I was inspired to take these pictures of the same sunflower through out different stages of its growth. I found that there was so much beauty and life in each picture. The whole process made me think about abortion and I called the project "If Given a Chance". What if I decided to not see value or life when all I saw was just the stem with a tiny- tightly- closed bud, and just chopped it down allowing the bud fall to the ground? But, that seems a bit unlikely. Sometimes I think humans give more pride and value to their precious gardens than to babies inside of wombs.

If anyone needs prayer always feel free to email me at Flynight@gmail.com. I hope you have a beautiful day blessed by the light of the Son.