On a Day Like This

I know that their words were well intentioned. But, I was offended. I understand that they wanted what they considered to be their truth to be applicable to me. But, it wasn't. You see, for the past 5+ years I have been pretty ill - really ill at times. And, I have heard some really thoughtful and encouraging things, but I have also heard (what I consider) to be ridiculous things about my health. 

Some people, over the years, have told me that I am still sick because of my lack of faith in the Lord. Apparently I need to ask, more sincerely, for the Lord to heal me. Whenever I am told something, whether I am offended or even angered for a moment, I seriously take time to analyze myself and I take what they say to the Lord. (I do that because I believe that it is doesn't matter if I'm offended, if something is Biblical, I need to address it) After doing that, I came to the conclusion that "lack of faith" is not the issue. You see, I may not beg God to heal me every hour of my life, but I trust completely with all that I am, that He can heal me at any moment. The thing is - I also trust in His sovereignty. His ability to do what He wants, when He wants, how He wants, with whom He wants. He could more than just heal me at any given moment - I truly believe that. If He doesn't today or ever while I am on this Earth - I am okay with that. I know He has a purpose. I KNOW HE DOES! 

On another hand, I have been told that it must be because I am involved in some sort of awful sin and my illnesses are a result of that. Um, no. Not so, my friends, not so. I believe that sin has consequences - absolutely. Of course, some illnesses are a direct result of not handling our bodies correctly and perhaps engaging in things we shouldn't. I do not believe that my two blood clotting disorders and progressive auto immune illnesses (among other things) are a result of the sin in my life (Yes, I do have sin in my life). I also don't believe that I am under the grip of satan and in bondage of sickness. 

On the contrary, I believe that me being sick is my ministry. I have been given so many opportunities to share the Lord's love, faithfulness, hope - Jesus' story with so many people at the hospital, clinics, cancer center etc. So many cancer patients sit alone with no family and no hope as they are waiting to get their third dose of chemo that week. I had the honor and privilege of sitting next to them and keeping them company, listening to them, and sharing with them the Hope that is so alive within me. Sure, the Lord could have just spoken to my heart to start a hospital ministry, but I may not have been welcome had I not been a patient. But they can't close the doors on me when I just happen to be having a "conversation" with a fellow patient. There is purpose for my illnesses - there is! Doctors often comment or even inquire about my disposition at various scary moments in my life (while in the hospital) and there is no other reason then the fact that I am able to rest in the Creator of all things.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am a very high energy, do many things at once - fill my plate kind of person. And, in many ways those qualities have been positive things in my life. But I have come to realize that I was getting in the way of what was most important.  I can see how the Lord has also allowed me to be  ill so that He can begin to teach me what it really means to "be still and trust that He is God." I was blinded by "needs" and "ministry" and quite frankly I just needed to chill out. I mean, would I choose the route of experiencing so much pain everyday to teach me these things? Probably not. But He did and I am thankful. 

I have had moments, as I have expressed in previous blogs, where I truly was not sure if I would make it through the night. But, the Lord in His goodness, used those horrible moments to change me and break my heart for His people in ways I never even knew of before. He has used my pain to remind me to pray more for others in desperation and agony. My pain is a constant reminder of others out there that endure so much more than I do and have nothing - not even the hope of knowing their greatest Hope. How dare I try to label my pain as anything other than joy at moments like this where I finally remember those that I have so easily forgotten in days past. 

John 9:1-5

The Creator of all things - He loves me. My illnesses don't change that; nothing does. The Creator of all things - He love you. _________ doesn't change that; nothing does. If you need prayer feel free to email me (Flynigh@gmail.com).