Thursday, September 30, 2010

Oh, the Lies Emotions Can Tell

“A Wooing King”
These jazz rhythms are tenderly causing me to sway; as if I were in an elegant gown in a dim lighted club being pursued by my love. The snare drum oh-so-subtle in the background; causing those elusive parts of my mind to be gathered in the center of the dance floor for a sweet reunion. A date long past due, as I have allowed the fleeting rushes of today suppress the very memory of when I finally noticed my King wooing me. The steady tempo of the piano; luring memories of joyful days past, reminding me of the King’s relentless, unceasing pursuit of me.


I wrote that poem a little earlier in the year. I was reminded of it today when my thoughts wandered at a moment when I felt stagnant - gray - indifferent. I started to feel a lack of pizzazz and actually started to get down about it. But, then I was reminded that regardless of what I am feeling my two loves are pursuing me; my Lord and my husband. 


I think, as a stay at home mom, it is so easy for me to fall in to the trap of getting discouraged or discontented. Oh, my flesh hungers for "more" and tries to convince me that my life is lacking. Oh, what a lie! I can almost laugh out loud in mockery of such nonsense. And, yet, if even for a brief moment I fall into a place of question. 


Isn't it too easy sometimes? To be too moved by what we are feeling or even what we are not. At the end of the day, the love that the Lord offers me goes so much deeper than any emotion this human body of mine can feel. His love is the one and only constant thing in my life and what I feel or don't feel doesn't change that. And with Eric, I have to remember that the enemy is not a fan of love. he is not a fan of what the Lord has created between Eric and I. So, tomorrow, we are going on a date. And, I am going to be wooed by Eric. 


My prayer for us tonight (whoever is reading this), is that we wouldn't dismiss being pursued by our King simply because we convince ourselves that we should be "feeling more." 
Always feel free to email me if you need prayer for anything expressed in my blog or even something else.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Their Sin Is Worse

I felt bad that day. I hesitated, so the light turned green before I could hand him a few quarters. I don't know his name, but he has one. I don't know his story, but someone does. He was alone on that corner, but some where there's someone who misses him - I hope. Actually, I know that there is at least One that misses him. There's a King that misses this homeless man who is nameless to me. I once was a wanderer, and that same King missed me. I dare not forget that.


It's too easy to pass people on the streets and think we have the power or the right to categorize sin; our sin versus their sin. It almost seems natural to think that another's sin is somehow more repulsive than our own. Oh, the lies they tell. The sex they have. The stuff they drink. Oh, the things they've done. How dare I ever allow someone else's sin make me feel better about my own filth. Yes, MY filth. 


When it comes to how repulsive sin is to the Father - I am no different than the adulterer or the thief. When it comes to the Father's love - the man on the corner and the woman in the strip club are no different than I. The same hands that knit me together in my mom's womb are the same hands that made those "other sinners." It's a shame to think that my skin or my spirit is better than anyone else's. 


The phrase, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made" is so often used and yet so often dismissed. We act as if those words lose their meaning or their truth at those moments we allow our pride to blind us. It's easy to forget that our pride can be just as destructive and is just as repulsive as those other unspeakable sins. 


What is it that makes us create our own system of superiority? Can we actually forget that Jesus died on the cross for sinners like us? Do we think that their is no hope left for those people we pass by - that they are too far gone? Today, I want to remember not only Jesus on the cross but the man hanging next to him on his own cross. A sinner made right with Jesus right before his death. 


.Psalm 145:13-19


We may not be able to always have one on one time with these people, but we can purpose to replace our prideful thoughts towards them with prayers for them to find their way home - in Him.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Why Turn Away?

The sun is shining in this window of mine. The kids are singing while playing in circles around each other - I hear a random screech of annoyance, but other than that it's a peaceful morning. I've come to discover that most of my mornings are that way - peaceful. Even on those days where I might think I have it tough - I don't. I'm amazed at my spoiled American perspective sometimes. It's amazing that I can somehow convince myself that my life is lacking in any way at the end of any day. The only thing that could possibly be lacking is who I am in Christ and the person He wants me to be. The only thing that can be lacking in this life of mine - is me. Now, I don't mean that in a faux- humility kind of way. 


What I don't have doesn't dictate the amount of joy that lives in my hours and because of that my life is full of riches! At the end of the day the smiles and the laughter that come from a deep place of joy out weigh anything this world tries to offer me. He offers joy in those moments where happiness has lost its home in me. Joy has found a home in me; right beside the physical pain that I endure. His joy is nestled right beside the wounds of PTSD. The joy that comes in the morning is woven through my nights. Because of that there are moments I can hardly hold my head up - not because of shame or pain, but because of gratitude to the Maker and Giver of such joy. 


There have been moments in this life of mine, where that joy was almost overshadowed with fear. Moments where I thought my life was soon to meet its end on this earth. There have been seasons where I have had to write letters to my children and instructions to family just in case I didn't make it through that week. It's those moments that I have experienced that have shown me how brief our stay is here - how so incredibly precious time really can be. How precious the most subtle smile can be. Moments of great trials can often remind us of the sweet things or they can cause us to look inward at our selves and look away from the One who knows how to hold us best.


From the beginning of time, humans have tried to hide from the Lord in those moments right after pain, sin or uncertainty. We are often frightened by the woes around us and are convinced to hide from our Creator. Sometimes we allow anger to creep up and cause a river to grow between  us. The scenarios that often cause us to hide are endless. What's ironic is that the Lord loves us in those moments that we deny His love and He wants to use the very things that cause us to hide from Him. It's a sick to trick of this world to get us to turn from our Creator. He is our Hiding Place - He doesn't want us to hide from Him. He doesn't want any one of us to be distracted by the pleasures or the nightmares of this world when our joy can be made full in Him.


How many of us remain in hiding? Some of us hide behind insecurities. fears. flaws. sin. Some of us hide behind smiles. ministry. happiness. the hustle bustle of the day. I just want you to know that on this day I'm throwing down my mask and I am not going to hide the very thing the Lord wants to see in me. The very things He wants me to share with you. 


.Psalm 32