...a storm in the desert

My pain, it flickers, like a candle deep inside of a luminara on the verge of being blown out by the Albuquerque winds

Tonight, though, it feels as though the flame is so close to engulfing its paper surroundings. 

He whispers ever so gently. 

But my guilt attempts to engulf my mind like the May rain flooding the arroyos on the west side. 

I feel so weak when I'm suddenly surrounded by rushing thoughts like the murky water raging through the canals. 

He opens His hands. 

But my heart drops as pieces of my painful past come flashing into my mind - reminiscent of lightening striking in the sky above the mesa. The thunder rolls - so deep and loud - I can feel it vibrate in my chest. 

The echo causes me to jolt and my eyelids lift...

All of a sudden like a rainbow embellishing a gray smeared stormy sky - I feel His love grip my heart and cause my eyes to shift from my wounds and onto His truths.

How did my wounds became my focus - Why did my throbbing brokenness move me more than knowing that He has moved mountains for me.

My King knows my pain and He catches my tears. He knows the thoughts that attempt to taunt me -and knows of the chill that comes when the sun sets in this desert of mine. I am not alone in this sandy land.

Tonight, I am not engulfed by lies racing through my mind. 

No, tonight, I am revived by the Son who has risen in the middle of my desert storm. 

New Mexican luminarias

Lightening striking on the west mesa

A flooded arroyo

This blog comes from a real place inside of me. I know I often share of the Lord's joy being full in my life, and I am so sincere when I speak of such things. Truly, His joy is somehow nestled beside such deep wounds that still reside in me. I wanted to share of how deep my hurt goes and how sometimes I allow that hurt to drown out His loving attempts to comfort me. I know that there are people who can relate to moments like these and I would love for my hurt to somehow make you feel less isolated in those seasons where your heart feels so heavy and your mind feels smoggy. I can't say that I struggle with depression right now, but I know what that struggle feels like. If anyone needs prayer for just having the blues or for full on depression please feel free to email me for prayer at flynigh@gmail.com. 

You are not alone in those moments where it might feel like your heart could cave in and your thoughts won't stop racing. Your Maker is extending His hope to you - He loves you and He has not abandoned you. His love is brighter than your darkest hour - His strength is stronger than any burden that is weighing you down. Lift up your eyes. Your wounds may be deep, but try to set your gaze on the wounds He endured simply because He loves you. 

note: I was inspired to use descriptions native to New Mexico - I posted the pictures (that I did not take) to help people envision what I wrote.

I Might Be Rejected By Some, but Still I Am Accepted by the One

It's been longer than I anticipated it would be since the last time I wrote in here. I suppose that it's a good thing - I don't just want to become a robotic writer too anxious to be heard. Rather, I want to write from the deepest parts of me - the parts that my Maker tugs on and sharpens as my fingers run across the keyboard. 


Since my last blog, it seems the Lord has clarified my perspective on some things. I was humbled and shocked at how skewed my perception was when He caused me to glance back to a broken season in my past. Unfortunately, I do not have the liberties to share with you what those matters are (*yet). But, I can at least share with you what I am learning so far.


We live in a world where human acceptance is rated so high in most people's minds and sometimes that frame of mind is what leads our lives. Rejection is one of the hardest things to deal with and it can cause us to lose ourselves in our attempts to please those around us. More importantly, those vein attempts can cause us to begin to lose sight of who we are in Him. 


The line must be drawn. The idea of  simply "going with the flow" because one might lack the boldness/ the confidence/ the will to speak what's truly on their heart is so sad. I will not willingly go mute simply because I know that I will have to stare opposition right in the face. The longing to be accepted, wanted, and approved of cannot be given the freedom to distort who my Creator created me to be or what He wants me to do with this life.


So, that's where I am at. I have a task before me that I know people, close people, in my life will not agree with. Hurt will be stirred and anger will likely be pointed in my direction. The ties of a friendship that I hold dear might be torn. I have to confront a part of my past that I'd rather just let sit and continue to collect dust. But, I cannot allow myself to focus on who might not approve when the only approval I need is from the One who is leading me. As much as my heart is already anticipating the possibility losing the acceptance of someone I love - I have to stay committed to the One who accepted me first. His love for me is unwavering. 


There will be - WILL BE - moments in our lives where we are called to do things beyond the limits of the approval of some of the humans among us. That's okay. Its okay if not everyone around us understands what it is the Lord has called us to do. We have to be willing to know what it feels like to be rejected  by man; to have our ideas and pursuits scorned. 


I am here to please Him even if that means that I am misunderstood or even rejected by some. Standing confident in the middle of a scary and uncertain season is possible when we are able to rest and trust in Him as our Navigator. I won't allow what the Lord has made black and white to me turn to gray. It is clear to me what He wants me to do and it would be a shame for me to reject that simply to gain anything that this world offers me. 


If anyone needs prayer feel free to email me : flynigh@gmail.com